Jealousy
I worry when someone else gets their attention.
Feeling uneasy or left out when your partner is close to someone else.
Possessiveness Test - Are You Highly Possessive?
Have you ever felt, 'I don’t want to share my loved one with anyone' or 'I want them to focus only on me'? Possessiveness is a strong desire to keep someone or something to yourself. However, when it becomes excessive, it can complicate relationships and even cause personal distress. This test checks the intensity of your possessiveness and offers insights on maintaining a healthy balance.
01What is possessiveness?
Possessiveness is the desire to have another person's attention and time all to yourself. Wanting to feel close or special can sometimes turn into wanting to decide who your partner sees and what they do.
This test explores your feelings and everyday behavior toward a romantic partner. The strength of possessiveness is not the same as the depth of love.
02Jealousy, possessiveness and control
These ideas overlap, but it helps to separate what you feel, what you want and what you do.
Possessiveness
I want their attention all to myself.
Wanting your partner's interest and time to belong exclusively to you.
Controlling behavior
Don't spend time with that person.
Restricting friendships or setting demands around contact and outings that limit a partner's choices.
Having a feeling is different from restricting someone. Jealousy or possessiveness does not inevitably lead to controlling behavior.
03Everyday situations in the 20 questions
The questions cover feelings and behaviors such as those below. Your answers contribute to one overall possessiveness score, not separate scores for these situations.
Social connections
Feeling anxious when your partner is close to others or wanting a say in who they spend time with.
Contact and checking
Wanting constant contact or feeling compelled to check where your partner is and what they are doing.
Time together
Putting your own hobbies or other activities aside to prioritize time with your partner.
Expectations and control
Wanting your partner to follow your wishes and feeling frustrated when they do not meet your expectations.
Answer based on your recent behavior rather than your ideal self. The result does not need a different interpretation based on gender.
04Understanding your result
Your result includes a possessiveness score from 0 to 100%, one of five level names, and an explanation of your tendencies and ways to reflect on them.
Answer 20 questions
Calculate your score
Read your level and explanation
Not Possessive
A limited desire to keep your partner to yourself. Alongside respecting each other's freedom, expressing your feelings still matters.
Slightly Possessive
A tendency to allow flexibility in the relationship. Notice which situations, if any, make you uneasy.
Somewhat Possessive
Some possessive feelings are present. Reflect on the balance between wanting closeness and having time of your own.
Quite Possessive
A stronger desire to have your partner to yourself. Consider whether your expectations or checking put pressure on them.
Extremely Possessive
A strong possessive tendency. Reflect on whether you are limiting your partner's choices or feeling overwhelmed by your own worries.
The percentage is a score based on your answers to this test. It is not a population ranking or a probability of controlling someone. The names are categories within this test; a low score does not mean less love, and a high score does not mean deeper love.
05What might be behind the feeling?
They might leave me. I want to come first. I feel unsettled without a reply. Similar possessive feelings can involve different worries and expectations. Separating an event, such as a late reply, from your interpretation, such as feeling unimportant, can help you identify what bothered you.
This test alone cannot establish the cause of your feelings, your partner's intentions or the quality of your relationship.
06Separate feelings from actions
You can express a wish for closeness without restricting your partner. Consider these two different responses to feeling anxious about a missing reply.
No reply, and I feel anxious
Making demands
Reply now. Show me who you are with.
Asking your partner for reports or proof to relieve your anxiety.
Sharing feelings and discussing needs
I felt lonely when I didn't hear from you. Can we talk about a pace of contact that works for both of us?
Naming your feelings while also considering your partner's circumstances and choices.
Time with friends, personal interests and time alone deserve respect alongside time together. Monitoring someone or restricting their friendships is not a necessary proof of love.
References
These resources inform the explanations of feelings, actions and relationship boundaries. They do not establish the accuracy of this test.
- Is there disrespectful behavior in my relationship?love is respect (no publication year listed)
- Emotional boundarieslove is respect (no publication year listed)
Possessiveness Test
Are You Highly Possessive?
Take the TestAre You Highly Possessive?
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